If 5-year-olds were going to design a uniform, they’d probably come up with something like the Toronto Raptors’: a giant cartoon dinosaur that looked less T-Rex and more Barney wasn’t going to intimidate anybody, and the red and purple didn’t help matters either. Also, pin stripes. Sorry, Toronto, this one was a no.
For a minor league hockey team to make the list, they must have done something truly atrocious. And when you see their 2010 holiday uniforms, you understand why they’ve been catapulted up in the ranks to stand among their major league counterparts. Palm trees, Christmas ornaments, and a giant and tacky “Happy Holidays” sign – all on a lime green background? Nope.
It’s nice to pay homage to your country by echoing the flag on your soccer team’s uniform, but Croatia went a bit overboard. The checkerboard pattern makes it seem as though you could lay out a few players and have a nice picnic, or even start up an impromptu game of chess. They do have the advantage of distracting opponents with their ugliness, which may have been their intention all along.
The V may have stood for victory, or may have just been a representation of a hockey formation, but whatever the case, it didn’t work. The burnt orange, mustard yellow, and poop brown somehow didn’t work all that well together, and honestly just looked like somebody had pooped on the ice.
Everyone knows that denim on denim is never a good idea, but apparently nobody told that to the Kentucky Wildcats in 1996. Converse decided to introduce a denim uniform in a faded blue (a break from the team’s normal royal blue color as well), and it was meant with resentment and ridicule. But when the team started playing really well in it — going on a championship run in fact — public perception shifted and the denim started flying off the shelves. Remember the great denim shortage of 1996? Thank the Wildcats for that one.
When a professional soccer team only lasts one year, you know something went wrong. And it takes no more than a brief look at the Caribous’ uniform to find out just what that thing was. There’s not much to say except: fringe? Really?
Granted, John Daly is not a team, he’s just one man. And golf can barely be considered a sport. And this wasn’t a uniform — they were entirely self chosen. I think that makes Daly’s pants choice even worse, and more deserving of being on this list.
OK, there was no actual escaped tiger. But when the team displayed its stripey uniforms in 1992 to pay homage to its nickname (although, as of 2013, the Premier League club’s owner has decided to officially change the team’s name to the Hull City Tigers), some got confused. Also, the neon yellow didn’t help.
Why the Denver Nuggets decided to portray their city skyline in rainbow colors will remain a mystery, but the team rocked this tribute to Rainbow Brite until Dikembe Mutombo came on board in 1992. Who presumably told them, “No, no no, no,” and refused to play until a change was made. Thank you, Dikembe, for doing the city of Denver and NBA fans everywhere a huge solid.
Saving the best for last, the Cameroon national soccer team caused a bit of a stir in 2004 when it donned the first unitards FIFA had ever seen. The association actually had to dig through its rule books to see if the uniforms were legal, which alas, they were not (“all shirts and shorts must be separate items of clothing”). So not only were these a massive fashion infraction, they were docked points in the World Cup qualifiers as well as fined more than $150,000. Were the onesies really worth it?
